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Dolores has her Lucy moment of the month PDF Print E-mail
Written by Rich Lane   
Sunday, 17 August 2008 01:11

So Dolores and I are pulling weeds and doing some general cleaning around the yard as summer winds down.  She gets out the Ortho and starts to spray around the base of the house to prevent bugs and such from getting in.  I'm in the back of the house and she's in the front, and I hear a scream.

 

She yells for me, and when I meet up with her, she's lost her normal coffee-with-cream completion and is as pale as...well...me.   She chokes out the second worst name of invaders home owners fear the worst, "we have rats."

 

(The first is termites.)

 

She points a shaky finger at the slate water-catch under the eaves drain and tells me to pick it up.  I ask her what she saw under it, and she screams "JUST PICK IT UP, DAMMIT!!"

 

Hesitantly, I pick it up.  I have visions of a giant, black, greasy rat springing for my jugular the moment I expose it to daylight.  I toss the piece of stone to the side and leap back.

 

And I do see black fur--I concede that.  The black fur on the back of an absolutely terrified two inch long mole.

 

"IT'S A RAT!!" Dolores screams.

 

She proceeds to defend herself by pulling the trigger on the Ortho Max bottle at a rate that would do Chuck Conners as The Rifleman  proud.   Sadly, her aim is a tad wanting, and I find myself doused in enough chemicals that l think may mutate or otherwise make me develop superpowers sometime in the near future.

 

The poor little mole scurries away, terrified but otherwise unharmed.



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Howard Bagby   |68.223.31.xxx |2008-08-17 09:54:14
When I was working at the nursing home in Illinois I got a frantic phone call
from my wife that there was a rat in the house. She said she had it trapped
under a bucket in the kitchen. I rushed home, carefully lifted the bucket, and
found a dying mouse there.
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Last Updated ( Sunday, 17 August 2008 17:29 )